This is Kiah Ann from Mabel, Minnesota and she is thirteen years old and will be, at the time of this interview, starting eighth grade tomorrow. Kiah was such a great pleasure to be with and interview for this project. I knew that I wanted to speak with a young woman at some point along the way so when the opportunity presented itself to interview Kiah, I was excited to be able to witness and document an emerging young woman’s perspective on safety and sanctuary. Kiah impressed me deeply with her graceful ability to express her relationship to her emotions. She has a mature access to herself and the possibilities of life experience through being aware and articulate in her truth. Do we all have a version of that ability at that age, access to the simplicity of truth and self and able to experience both with clarity? And then we lose our easy relationship with that truth, spending the rest of our adulthood reclaiming that concise ability to live in clarity, undaunted.
Kiah has a thoughtful relationship with just about anything that comes her way. This is the way i experienced Kiah – she thinks as she is speaking and expressing herself, Kiah is connected to her self expression in a way that I find delightful and sophisticated. Kiah also is thoughtful and present to her relationship with her fears, she can give them some space and see the shapes of her fears with some objectivity. This gives her the perspective of being able to identify them and see through and past the fear. Kiah understands anxiety and struggles with the sensation of being overwhelmed. But the cool thing is, Kiah also can experience the realness that she is more than her fear, that life has so much more excitement and opportunity in store for her. We all are driven by fear, fear of death that unites us, we are alive and do not want to die. Our fear expresses itself unpredictably, irrational surges of terror dictate strange sensations and behavior, We all do it and as adults, we add even the stranger component of pretending that we are not all afraid all the time. It makes us all crazy as well as scared. Kiah is at a beautiful point in her life where she lives in truth and can express herself well, i hope she always retains this compassionate outlook.
Please enjoy the full length version of Kiah’s interview by following this link: https://vimeo.com/295271664
Interviewing a young woman, one that has just barely left her childhood behind her, about her experience with feeling vulnerable, reaching out to others, helping people, and where she may find her sacred safety, was totally illuminating. Kiah is starting eighth grade, she is expected to assume to role of “young woman” now, no longer a child that she was just a few months ago. What grown woman doesn’t remember that strange coming of age at thirteen – you can feel this power from within and reflected back from the people around you. Its female power; deep, strong, and insistent. Its an ancient connection to the seasons and the tides, its the cycle of life and death, its life itself claiming you. And you don’t have a language for any of this. All you know at thirteen is that you are suddenly brighter, people notice you and have different expectations of you. And its exciting and scary, and you re totally curious about what it means to enter into adulthood. Still naive in child life experience, but shining bright in your authentic self with an appetite for what the world has to offer. Or so you hope that is the common experience, some young girls are not so lucky to survive their childhoods intact in this way.
Kiah and I talked about the difference between seventh grade and eighth for her, what the expectations are from friends and adults around her, but more importantly what Kiah now expects of herself. Kiah expects quite a bit from herself. Kiah is already looking ahead the year after eighth grade – high school, the game changer. She calls herself ” a planner” with a self knowing giggle and shrug, she already knows that she has a desire to be in control that leads to being anxious if she is not. Kiah also spoke about the legacy that she wants to leave in life, her words not my interpretation. Kiah strongly feels the development of her integrity; treating people with kindness and respect, acknowledging boundaries, navigating conflict with that integrity intact. How do you help people, understanding the power of asking for help so you can better help others, these are some of the topics that Kiah and I explored together and she impressed me with her insight that she has already developed.
When I asked Kiah if she has ever felt unsafe, she replied that her experiences with anxiety and feeling alone it that emotional whirlwind feel unsafe but reaching out to others and having authentic emotional connections distract her from her anxiety and make her feel protected. Kiah has not had life experiences that she has felt threatened from outside forces, this makes me feel such fierce gladness that no one has endangered the sweet sunshine strength in this girl. I asked Kiah what the word sanctuary means to her and she responded, “my mother.” How wonderful is that? Kiah experiences her mother as a sacred protection, that she will always have Kiah’s back, she will always protect Kiah’s trust, listening, loving, being there whenever needed. Beautiful.
i was curious about Kiah and her personal interests as well. Kiah is investigating so many different avenues of self expression and connection. She professes an interest in photography and getting beyond the iPhone selfie, learning the craft of editing and professional technique, She loves writing and feels she has a talent for it, she wrote a seven page story when she was younger that her friends thought it was the “bee’s knees” and ended up writing a prequel to it. Kiah and her younger brother enjoy each others company and bond over Star Wars and Marvel comic movies, she and I agreed that we both want to be superheroes when we grow up, Kiah spends a great deal of time online watching YouTube videos about people doing “real things that make you think,” and social media such as Instagram where she scrolls to find inspiration in photography and also play with her friends. Kiah loves makeup, she experiences it as a form of art that you can explore on your own body; shapeshifting, trying on masks. She wants to learn more about henna too. Kiah also expressed the desire to go out into the world adventuring and meeting people and seeing how we are all different and all still the same, I told her she nailed my current work with this project in a nutshell, Kiah smiled at that.
Kiah is a young woman who has a powerful experience with her fears. I think, out of a desire to thrive, she has come to an understanding earlier in life in how its wiser not to take the fear so seriously, see around it to the other side and head toward that shore as often as possible. Kiah is thoughtful, aware, kind, and brave. She is alert, articulate, and full of rich integrity. Kiah is a young woman who still has the baby curves in her cheeks under a layer of lipstick and straddles the two worlds with a bright curiosity. Seeing her enthusiasm for self expression and the possibility for adventure in life that matches my own and made be feel like I had met a fellow traveler and friend.
Kiah is a treat and has so much to offer, her kindness and generosity of self she extends to others. This last video clip, Kiah talks of her special place which is the high tree stump she is sitting on throughout the interview. It once was a tree that was going to have her tree house but then it got sick and had to be cut down. So instead of being disappointed and being left with a sense of loss, Kiah turned it around and created a sacred, safe place where she comes out every night and sits and watches the fireflies over the cornfield. There is room enough for two, Kiah informed me with a smile.
This is the nature of refuge.
